Blow Them At The Moon...

Thank you so much to those who sent me well wishes regarding my recap decision.

They meant the world.

And MANY thanks to Ms. Margo - the flowers are amazing. And you surprised the heck out of me...lol.

Again, thank you all.... I needed the kind words.

hugs

xof

This is hard to write. It was hard to do.

I've made a decision that will disappoint some of you. Others won't care a wit.

I'm going to have to stop doing the recaps for the NA Qaf.

I understand that I should never have even started doing the season 4 recaps - I shouldn't have begun them, only to pull out a month into it.

I can only say I'm sorry.

They are just getting to be too much. Overwhelming actually. I get off from work, stressed out and tired - and immediately I start thinking of the recaps. When I don't start doing them right away, I feel guilty. The longer it takes me to get them done - the worse I feel. The guiltier I get. And it's mostly self-imposed.

But the whole process is stiffling. I can't write on anything else without feeling bad. And my muse is hybernating like a fiend.

The recaps shouldn't be this stressful. They started off being fun.

The crux of this is, I enjoy them. I enjoy having created them. And I'm upset at myself about quitting. But I have too... Even if I were to trudge through, they would suffer. And I never wanted them to reflect poorly.

I still enjoy the show. I just don't enjoy the 'work' that this entertainment has become. Two jobs is too much...

Again, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be a shmuck.

But here I am....

xof

You know, there are some moments in this QAF fandom that just bite.

I enjoy the show. Don't get me wrong...

But the online fans - the attitude they sometimes project... It's wearing me down.

I sought out the position of Co-Moderator of one list. Trying to maintain the peace. Trying to be there when problems arise that drove quite a few members into silence. Well, I got what I asked for. And now, in the mist of my trying to be the peacemaker - to show as much consideration as I can to others - I've got people nitpicking every request I make.

And these are folks who wanted me (or anyone really) to step in, in the first place on that list.

So I get folks agreeing with me, then I get folks not agreeing. Complaining actually. In a polite way...

But after allllllll these dang years - I'm getting tired.

My hands are tired, that I know. They are burning. And still I'm going to have to recap - because I feel obligated to. And if I don't, I'll be two episodes behind which will make me feel worse.

This isn't coherent - and again, it'll pass. But why the heck am I up at 5 in the morning even worrying about this?

Sometimes being the Michael/Vince - blows.

x

QAF Season Four
Episode 3 Recap
May 8, 2004

by xof
xof@rose.net

( Recap 403 )

Hugs

xof

Okay - so some of you have heard this - but I wanted to put it here because I was proud of how I handled the situation. I was never good at word wars in school - was always the one who lost, and ended up feeling like a trembling mouse in the corner if you can believe.

But the internet is a new world for expressing - and DEFENDING yourself when others attack.

So here's what happened to me after I posted QAF Episode 401's recap a couple weeks back:

( Read more... )

Then I read this as a reply to my recap on that list - here's the attack:

( Read more... )

So I can't let that go....lol. This is how I responded:

------------------------

( Read more... )

That is one of my better moments on the net, and in life I guess. I took up for myself, with a greater sense of grace than I was feeling. And I'm proud of it.

Funny that he never answered me back....hehe.

Hugs

xof

Episode 402 Recap
May 1, 2004

by xof
xof@rose.net

( Recap 402 )

Hugs

xof

PS - Thanks to Em for catching my dumb spelling errors!!!

So I should be finishing the recap.

I'm obviously not doing so...

Oh well, it's half done. And I'll finish it tomorrow (how Scarlett O'Hara of me) - after I get off work.

I just can't concentrate on it at the mo... My eyes hurt.

Long ass, rainy, bad news day. And before anyone asks, I do NOT want to talk about it. I'm just glad it's over.

I'm ok, just feeling tired, tired, tired.

x

Episode 401 Recap
April 24, 2004

by xof
xof@rose.net

( Recap 401 )

Hugs

xof

First - I've had a crap day. Grrr... Had to fill in for someone who called in sick. Which meant I had to take over training a new girl all day. Also meant I discovered that after days on the job, the new girl had been taught NOTHING practically by the someone who called in sick. Damn it. So I had to redouble my efforts to help her understand what to do and how to do it.

The I get home and have a flare up argument with my mom. Sighhhh... It was over quick at least. And we'll be fine, usually are... It just sucks. I HATE fighting with her.

Anyway... To the news that some of you will find interesting.

The QAF recaps....

I enjoy the recaps. I would miss them if they were gone. I like having them to express my enjoyment of the show. I can fill them with a humor I have nowhere else to express. I would feel terrible not to have them back.

Plus it would make me feel bad/guilty/loser-esque to stop now, after three years of doing them.

Sooo... the decision.

I will be doing the Season 4 Recaps of QAF.

I hope that makes those of you who enjoy them, happy. And thank you for letting me know you wanted more. If any of you need a Xof Recap Fix before Sunday's Episode 401, remember that you can find them all at the ATP!!!

http://www.qaf-fic.com/

Just enter the site, and you'll see a link on the left side that says Xof's Recaps. There are almost 41,000 hits on the page counter. Which is fabulous, but of course - for those of you who read my LJ, you'll remember that it really should be almost 51,000...sigh. Had an archive software problem a few months back that erased over 10,000 hits from the counter. POUT!!!

As for the timing of the recap posts, I'll be giving myself till Friday (following the episode) to finish. This gives me a couple more nights if I need them. And if I finish before Friday, you'll have them to read all the quicker, yes? lol...

Hugs to you all...

xof

I'm having a not so good night. Pissy mood, sad. Woke up feeling this way, and have done through the day.

I'm stressed out, and some would say (have said) that it's not healthy.

Besides RL, which is more than a bit dramatic and mad - I'm in a position now where I want to write, but don't seem up to it. I have put my hat into the Stuart/Vince sequel challenge ring - and I haven't even started. I have to finish a wedding gift I'm working on for my boss' wedding at the end of April. Cross-stitching, while beautiful - is time consuming. Min. of four hours a day on the gift, and that's after working all day - with overtime. (And don't tell me to buy a gift, I don't have the money. Such is my broken record in life.)

So I've got ideas for a fic in my Dream Series, but I can't write now because of the gift. I have a deadline for the S/V fic I haven't even started. And come April 18th, Season Four of QAF starts. Which means recaps....

And I have a problem. I love my recaps. I enjoy the way I write them. The humor and snarkiness that I don't get to share in any other way but with them. But do you realize it usually takes me six or more hours per episode to do even one recap?

It cuts off all my "me" time after work, eats up days of my focus. I've done them for three years and I want to do the eps coming up, but I'm ... mixed up about it.

They shouldn't be work, they should be fun. But that fun, folks - takes alot of work.

I can't write until they are done, and now I'm suppose to be writing - but they are looming to take my time away from writing soon.

I want to do them, and I don't. There are so many times I just want to watch the damn show and not have the responsibility of doing the recaps. But then, I like the recaps when they are done. I like hearing what others say, though truthfully not that many have anything to say anyway.

I created this position for myself three years ago, and now I'm tired. My enjoyment of the show is still high. I "like" it.

I don't know what to do. I want to, I don't.

Any thoughts?

Sorry to ramble. Wish it had been more entertaining for you.

xof