Not A Good Night...

I'm not feeling so chipper. To say the least. My primary current frustration is my continuing failure to finish any story idea I start. Doesn't matter that I've tried to start three different stories in three different fandoms. Doesn't matter that I want to be doing it. The moment I try, it's like dragging myself through tons of wet sand. Inch, stop, inch, stop.

It's so incredibly shitty feeling this way. It's months now since I've be able to write, start to finish. And even then it was just little one-offs - me trying to find my qaf voice again. I don't think I've done anything of true depth, plot-wise, in over a year. So it's not a matter of "step back, take a break" as some have suggested.

And all this sounds pathetic. I know it. I should just shut the fuck up. But I miss it. I feel lonely without it. Like I'm not... Like xof isn't xof, anymore. Doesn't matter that I've tried to shift my lagging energies over to the vids. They're my way of trying, alway trying to put something out there. To find something fandom-wise that I can feel happy that I finished.

Shit... anyway. I'm sorry for those of you who've asked me for fic. It's not happening. Though I so wish that it was.

Sorry - xof

Not A Good Night...

I'm not feeling so chipper. To say the least. My primary current frustration is my continuing failure to finish any story idea I start. Doesn't matter that I've tried to start three different stories in three different fandoms. Doesn't matter that I want to be doing it. The moment I try, it's like dragging myself through tons of wet sand. Inch, stop, inch, stop.

It's so incredibly shitty feeling this way. It's months now since I've be able to write, start to finish. And even then it was just little one-offs - me trying to find my qaf voice again. I don't think I've done anything of true depth, plot-wise, in over a year. So it's not a matter of "step back, take a break" as some have suggested.

And all this sounds pathetic. I know it. I should just shut the fuck up. But I miss it. I feel lonely without it. Like I'm not... Like xof isn't xof, anymore. Doesn't matter that I've tried to shift my lagging energies over to the vids. They're my way of trying, alway trying to put something out there. To find something fandom-wise that I can feel happy that I finished.

Shit... anyway. I'm sorry for those of you who've asked me for fic. It's not happening. Though I so wish that it was.

Sorry - xof